November is Diabetes Awareness Month. So what exactly is diabetes, besides something I've lived with pretty much all of my life? Diabetes is a chronic autoimmune condition that makes the body unable to produce insulin. Insulin is the hormone that regulates the amount of sugar in your bloodstream. Without insulin, our bodies cannot use the sugar in our bloodstream as energy. There are two different types of diabetes. Type 1 (T1) and Type 2 (T2). T1 diabetes, also known as juvenile diabetes is an onset of diabetes when you are younger. T1 diabetics do not produce any insulin to help regulate their sugar in their blood stream. T2 diabetics produce insulin but your body doesn't control the insulin the way it is supposed to. T2 diabetics can sometimes control their diabetes through diet and exercise. I am a T1 diabetic. I was diagnosed in April of 1981.
Living with type 1 (T1) diabetes has never been easy. Like any kid you want to fit in, but you could never fit in. Imagine yourself at ten, you go to a birthday party. All the kids are eating cake, you cant. During trick or treating with friends you really want to eat a piece of candy, but you can't or even worse you do and you end up sick within an hour of eating that candy and have to go home. Your friends are having a sleep over, but you can't stay the night because the parents don't know how to take care of you if you go into a hypoglycemic (low blood sugar) attack. You walk to a park with your friend, but don't remember how you got home. Only later to find that your friend pretty much carried you home as fast as they could. You're in your elementary classroom, but don't remember the last thing you said to your teacher. Then you wake up in an ambulance outside the school, sitting next to your mom. Only to find out years later that your mom beat the ambulance there every time that happened, which happened so much your family lost count. You are so excited, your school is having a television station come to your classroom to record projects you did. Of course you do yours on the future of diabetes, but you actually were never able to record because somehow you woke up in an ambulance outside the school again. Imagine, just because of a disease you didn't ask for you were picked on daily. This. This was my life growing up.
No matter how hard my mom tried to keep my diabetes under control when I was young, my body wouldn't allow it. I was a brittle diabetic (which doctors didn't think existed back then). I would go outside in heat and my blood sugar would drop so quickly that I would go into a hypoglycemic episode. Mainly my blood sugar would go low, I didn't have enough blood in my bloodstream to operate my brain properly. There were so many times I remember waking up in an ambulance, but never remember actually being carried to the ambulance. In fact, most of my childhood I don't remember. There are bits and pieces, but in all honesty I only remember pieces that people told me about. My childhood pretty much doesn't exist to me.
Around the age of 14 I was given a little more freedom with my diabetes. Well, I will admit I didn't care about my diabetes. I would eat my candy while trick or treating. I would go to birthday parties and eat the cake! I was tired of not remembering everything! I was tired of being different and I wanted to be like everyone else! I really thought I could be like everyone else, but as a diabetic in those times it wasn't possible. I would go to the mall with my friends. When I needed to inject insulin I would go the the public restroom. Many many times I would have women look at me like I was a drug addict, shooting up heroin or something. I would tell them I was diabetic. Their expression changed to a more concern look after that. I neglected my health for years. I tried desperately to be "normal."
All of my life I have been the outcast, the person someone will never understand. I will always be that little girl that has fear. The person with a history locked away in her brain just to protect herself from having a major meltdown. It took me a long time to realize why I never cared about my diabetes, why I was so afraid to have my A1C where it was supposed to be. When my doctors told me I was going to die before forty, I didn't care. When my doctors told me I would lose my eyesight, I didn't care. When my doctors told me I would have to have my feet amputated if I didn't start taking care of myself, I didn't care. I didn't care, because I remembered my life since I started to not care.
I will admit, after my car accident I have had time to reflect and grow as a person. After years of self growth and discovering who I really am, I have discovered I have a lot more work to do to overcome the PTSD I have from my diabetes. I have also discovered I am a warrior and I will only become more fierce and tenacious the more of my brain I unlock and heal. Happy healing Warriors!
If you would like to donate to JDRF (Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation) to help find a cure for T1 diabetes click here.
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