I get asked one particular question, that I just really don't like...... "How are you doing today?" I hate that question. To be honest, I know people really don't want to know.... And the people that really want to know I don't want to tell because I don't want to scare them off.
Most people it is such an easy response. For me I have to think about the person I'm with. Then, think about if I want to hear their response or if I want to get into a discussion about what really is going on in my life (that they might not understand). Anyway, my responses are based on a couple of things:
When it's a medical professional
When I don't want to cry
When I really really don't feel well
When I don't want to tell the truth to a friend because I want them to think I really do have good days where I'm not in pain or I can go out without having stomach issues.
When I'm with my family because I don't want them to worry about me (even though I know they already do). I guess I don't want them to worry more.
When it's someone I really don't know and I know it's just common courtesy to ask.
When I'm feeling really bad and my family or friends ask.
I know that several of you have the candid response "GOOD" because It has become such a universal thing to say. For a quick and easy answer to not give to much information about yourself we reply "GOOD." How many of you have had to reply with some of the above items on your mind, or do you just automatically reply "GOOD" because it's been ingrained in our head that we reply "GOOD".
See, here is the thing; compared to how I used to feel before my car accident I feel bad ALL the time! Many of the things I do on a daily basis cause my neck pain, body weakness or stomach issues. I don't really ever have a "GOOD" day anymore. Infact, I am trying to figure out what my new "GOOD" is. Since my car accident and diagnosis of Gastroparesis and Chiari-Malformation I have been determined to have more good days than bad, but as I said my "GOOD" is different than what it used to be.
I know this gentleman, and I used to ask him "how are you" every time I saw him. See, this gentleman I know is sick, but I still asked him the question I hated. The question that is the common greeting in America. The question that everyone asks innocently, without thinking about how it could cause so much drama in ones head. Then one day it popped into my head, why are you asking him this question? You hate this question, why would you ask him this question if you yourself hate this question?
I soon started wondering what I would want to be asked, what I would want people to say to me that didn't cause more drama in my life. Even if it was drama that made me over think, drama that was made by me.... I realized when it came to someone I knew and loved I wanted them to say "It's good seeing you today." So, I started saying that to this gentleman. I truly am happy to see him every time I see him. I know if he wants to talk about what is going on in his life he will open up to me, but at least now he has that option.
I know it is such a common question, a question that is supposed to be a polite conversation starter, but I have learned no matter how innocent a question can be, it can cause hurt in people. Me, I'm working on it and learning when to say something or when to say I'm doing good, but in all honesty, it is a constant struggle for me. It's not the struggle of someone asking me that question, it's the constant struggle I have in my head of how much do I say and do I really want people to know I am always in pain.
I have three common responses to the most dreaded question. The question that is such a simple question, the question that should be so easy to answer and is such an innocent question. "How are you doing?" My responses are as follows: We really don't ask me that question, I'm doing good and I've had better days.
Life is a funny thing, we learn from ourselves, but we also learn from other people. Make sure you open your eyes and hearts to people, that way you can learn from them and appreciate what everyone is going through. Not everyone is doing "GOOD" they just are pretending. If you really appreciate the person let them know you are happy to see them. If you really want to know how they are doing (without giving advice to them) ask them how they are doing. Both questions are great, just be ready to listen in case the person you ask is having a bad day and is in need of an ear. Just remember, not everyone is doing good and not everyone likes that question...... "How are you doing?"
So, how are you doing today?
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